When people feel a need for something in their life, or experience a problem, and then do something about it. That is what the core of my being has been about, most of the time, lately.
I feel a gap, or a need, I create what I need. Sometimes it’s easy and instant, other times it (is taking) years...
One thing has become increasingly clear. It’s so easy to think that we are alone in our suffering. Often it feels safer to believe this. I have a tendency to believe that I am unique in my suffering and that no one ‘gets it’... I then often isolate myself and go into a cave. This feels safe in a way.
This time round, I decided to do the opposite. And I have learned that my suffering is not as special as I might think. There is suffering in all of us, it is part of the human experience.
Being open, sharing, listening, vulnerability, not taking ourselves too seriously, remembering to play, being gentle on ourselves and others, taking responsibility for ourselves and our own well being, and being okay with not always being okay. These are the things I have been reminded of.
Above all, to stay open and to stay connected (to Self and others) To invest in friendships and to create community.
I am quite shy really. Despite appearances, a bit reserved. A bit afraid of all the people all the time. I like my cave. And that’s okay. I am learning to be okay with where I’m at while being with other people.
So beautiful to be living this life with an open heart. I’m not always good at this but this is my work. My work is in the essence of being. In the magic of every day. In sharing and receiving joy in its purest form. My work is in bringing people together, backstage.
I am here to love. Here in Melbourne I have been blessed with a mind blowing community of absolutely phenomenal souls. Life changers, light workers, conscious beings. And I have experienced my own share of overwhelm and intimidation amongst all these magnificent beings. All the amazing work they are doing. I have felt the pressure to do something ‘epic’ or ‘potent’ with my life. To impact and touch souls and bring meaning. For years now I have been fighting a battle I couldn’t quite put a finger on.
I KNOW that I have a gift for holding space, giving permission, and making people feel safe to be themselves. But I did not want to be doing this in the presence or due to the pressure of the ego. It feels toxic and inauthentic to me.
In “The Power Of Vulnerability”, Brenee Brown talks about how we live in a world where we don’t feel worthy unless we do something huge that everyone knows about. If we just live a ‘mediocre’ life, content with simple pleasures, good health and close connections, but without doing something big, we are not worthy.
What is ‘worthy’? Are we not all simply humans? There has been many before us and there will be many to come. Our generation is not more or less special than any other generation. There has always been all the types of all the people. We all have needs, desires, fears... probably the same ones millions before us had and trillions after us will have.
We are not ‘special’ in our individuality, instead, it seems to me that it is our universal connection, as a collective, that is special about us. Yes, each of us do have a unique combination of genetics, childhood, and life experiences, which allows us to tell unique stories. Yet we are simultaneously almost identical in our essence. This, in itself, makes the idea of comparison entirely impossible.
What is special, is that we are connected. And that we are at our best, when we work together.