You are a gift, and I love you.

It is so very clear to me, every single day, that this life is a gift. It truly is.

I used to bring my knees to my chest when going to bed as a child, so that God could have a seat at the edge of my bed. This felt very innate. No one told me to do this. I was not raised religiously. It was just the way it was. He was there - it was a fact. No doubt about it. I couldn’t straighten my legs, even if I wanted to, because it was his place - he was with me every night. Looking after me.

Then, life happened. It was not trendy to be religious. As an adult with a healthy amount of skepticism and distrust towards religion, my heart hungered for that kind of natural devotion, again. And I have found it, a long time ago, through Yoga and through Dance. At the time I fell in love with Yoga, I did not understand why I was so drawn to it. Now I do. The practice of yoga, in my experience, is the embrace of, and devotion to, Life itself, through a deep conversation between breath, movement and heart. Dance, in all its forms, is the same, to me. I am in full devotion to life when I am dancing.

As some of you know, I have recently completed my 300hr YTT. This means I am now certified as 500hr yoga teacher. I had the incredible privilege to learn from teachers of incredible heart, priceless wisdom, a wealth of knowledge, experience and deep, deep passion.

I have learned so much, still gathering the words... but all I can say right now is that my heart is exploding with love for you, dear fellow human. You are already so perfect - you are the evidence of life’s very essence. You are a beautiful, unique expression of life’s heart. Take a moment to breathe deeply, look into your own eyes, and simply observe the truth that you are.

I love you <3


Beauty

If you were to try to take me away from beauty, I would still know it, regardless.

I will know where it resides, for eternity, in this moment.

And if you were to walk me through all the hardships,
to show me the evidence of all but beauty,
I will still find it.
I will find it and it will disturb you, and it will continue to disturb you
until it seduces you,
and then, you will find it too.

Again and again, she will be unmasked,
in the most unlikely of places.

She will be celebrated and she will be hidden.
In the sound of a birth, the breath of an elderly.
The wilting of a single petal, unique to all the other petals, indeed, still perfect.

In the depth of the pain in the heart,
as much as in the core of the bone.
Even in there, is beauty.

Because.
Beauty is not something that is not.
Beauty is everything that is.

And in my identity, as a designer, as a poet,
Even in that, beauty dies,
When I forget that I Am,
as much and as little, as all around me.

When I remember - which I always do.
Often in the smile of the sun’s warmth,
or in the brightness of a cloudy day,

Then again.
I see beauty. And I always do.
Because I am beauty.
And so are you.

On Yoga and Joy

I find that words are lacking when attempting to explain my recent 200HR Yoga Teacher Training journey in Bali, and what I have continued to learn of Yoga, in all its forms. From the traditional philosophy, through to the art and the science, the magical by-product of the health it brings to the body, mind and heart, and all the bits in between.

Yoga Is not just a practice, it is a lifestyle, and it goes way beyond the mat. That being said, even just spending 15 minutes a day on the mat is already so potent. My self practice have deepened and grown into something much larger than myself. I have learnt so much. What has sung most true to me recently is this:

Life is a gift, and Yoga, to me, is a way of celebrating and living life in the most intimate way.
It brings me right into the heart of being alive.

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Just A Big Kid, Really

Just a big kid really, a little girl in a woman’s body. A woman, in love with the world.

A big kid with deep ideas.

Let it be bright, let it shine.

Lets be seduced, by ourselves, by humanity, by the stars and the music.

The swaying, the laughing, the crying, the being.

In the tough, in the grunt. Lets grind our sexy souls with this wild world.

What is 'worthy'?

When people feel a need for something in their life, or experience a problem, and then do something about it. That is what the core of my being has been about, most of the time, lately.

I feel a gap, or a need, I create what I need. Sometimes it’s easy and instant, other times it (is taking) years...

One thing has become increasingly clear. It’s so easy to think that we are alone in our suffering. Often it feels safer to believe this. I have a tendency to believe that I am unique in my suffering and that no one ‘gets it’... I then often isolate myself and go into a cave. This feels safe in a way.

This time round, I decided to do the opposite. And I have learned that my suffering is not as special as I might think. There is suffering in all of us, it is part of the human experience.

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Unknown Tears

It’s just my true state
coming out
the anxious bleeding.
the constant...

Falling
In Awe
With Life,
alone.

The scream, inside,
Glaring,
through
unknown tears.

A Broken Fantasy

I watched an Indian film last night. It took me back to my days as a young, naive, hopeful, romantic girl. I used to love Bollywood. It had all the magnificent shades of beauty. The movies were long and dramatic. They took their time building intimate characters and complex narratives. They were intense, colourful, musical, beautiful.

I could write and dream and draw about romantic and philosophical ideas all day long. I remember being 18 and spending a Friday night on the computer, writing an essay titled Truth, Love, Beauty… and Creativity. It felt so natural… it was a wonderfully long romantic session with myself. I remember my father’s girlfriend at the time was visiting, and when I came up to them at around 1am to show them what I have just written, they looked at me perplexed. Why would a teenage girl do that? Why not go out and live? Why not go out and party? I don’t know. The world in my imagination seemed much more inviting.

Last night, when I finished this magnificent Indian film, all these romantic notions returned to me. Supporting ideas such as “A woman can save a broken man. A man can fall so deeply in love with a woman that she becomes everything to him. She can be the centre of his world. Life is not worth living unless you experience intense and dramatic romantic events.” - and worst of all - “Once a man has pledged his love - especially the one you have just saved - he will never desire any other woman ever again…”

Whoa!

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